The Thing About Getting Older

The thing about getting older is that you get regular opportunities to go to whirring and beeping grey rooms to have people you don't know stick thingamabobs up your whosie-whatsie.

We know the line, "This will only pinch a bit." Then, POW!: Our backs thunk into rigid position like a Lazy Boy recliner, our fingernails tear into the crisp sheets, and we're stuck staring at the ceiling wondering who thought it was a good idea to make styrofoam ceiling tiles in the first place. And trying to breathe.

The other thing about getting older is that you get to wake up at night around 2:00 (the same time you used to go to bed) to stare into the darkness to foresee these delightful experiences. That is, in between wondering how in the world you ever thought, in 2003, that it was okay to run to the mall to pick up engraved bridesmaid keychains when your friend came down to help you garden before the wedding. (I hear you shuddering.) And then you start thinking you should have just eloped. And why in the world would you honeymoon in Italy in August, especially the year of the heatwave when people were dying all over Europe?  Oops, and you have an e-book to review ASAP!


...Imagine crystal blue skies, suspended whispy clouds, a light breeze... blue skies and clouds... blue skies and clouds.... breathe... blue skies and clouds....

....and don't forget to pack the 800 MG of Ibuprofen for tomorrow, "to be taken a half hour before your appointment."  

Really. It will only pinch a bit.